When I ponder those questions as I have often in the past year or so since we retrieved our boy from Changchun China, I'm not confused by my love for my wife (okay, sometimes maybe WHY she still loves me). It will be 21 years on May 16th, 2013 when we said our vows to each other and while some things have changed for the worse (see waist lines!), most have changed for the good. We have gone thru various changes in jobs, health, maturity and so on and so forth. Together, we are aging like a fine wine in our own little bottle. Upon reflection, I cannot thank my bride enough for sticking by me in those early years!
When I ponder the love of our two boys, that's when things tend to get interesting.
Robby was born to us on March 1st, 2005. The pregnancy was a wild ride of ups and downs, more downs than up, at the time anyway, but rear view mirrors have a way of putting things into perspective.
He was a great baby and is now a great kid who will turn 8 years old in just a short time. I was so honored to be a Daddy that I barely knew how to contain my excitement.
I loved changing diapers. I loved feeding him. I loved bathing him. Holding him. Having him fall asleep on my chest while we laid on the couch. I loved reading to him. I love running my hand over his head and feeling his hair. I loved taking him places and showing him "stuff" before he could possibly understand any of it. I loved everything about being a Daddy so much, that he was the only person on Earth who could puke on me, and I wouldn't puke back!
So Robby begins the rigors of growing up. He gets all the way to 1st grade and we welcome another little duder into our home. Only this time, it's not a baby. He's a 4.5 year old little Chinese boy who we know powerful little about. The times leading up to our travelling to retrieve him were so wonderfully exciting and scary that I would wish it on everyone!
But how do I love him?
He's not my own flesh and blood...
I didn't get to do the things with him as a baby and a toddler, like I did with Robby...
I didn't get to mold him from day 1...
Will he trust me?
Will HE love ME?
Will he love Robby and Mama as well?
Will he be angry with the world for obvious reasons?
As I now recollect the past 15 months, going back to Got'cha day on December 5th, 2011, I realize that I have many wonderful memories of Caleb and the process of developing the love and trust that comes with being a Daddy.
Dec. 5th, Caleb was being ripped away from everything he had previously known. He didn't want to be with us and as sure as I'm over-weight with a big honkin' nose, he did NOT want to leave that Changchun court house with us!
Day by day, we as a family worked to gain his trust in an effort to make him as comfortable as possible and, in his mind, assure him that everything was going to be okay.
As those days passed, I wasn't concerned so much with "how do I love him", but more with the fact that the love I felt for him seemed so different than the love I felt for Robby. Not in a bad way, not at all, but just... different.
Now we can fast foward to today, February 14th, 2013. I've noted that I love reading to Caleb even though you have to trick him into thinking that it's his idea so that he'll pay attention.
I love running my fingers over his head and thru his black Chinese hair, although most of the time, he'll grab my hand to have me gently rub his cheeks, which is just as good! :-)
I love telling him Bible stories and praying with him even though I'm fairly certain that he doesn't "get it" yet.
I love showing him how to do something for the first time (and 2nd, and 3rd...).
If we look at Dictionary.com, we see these definitions:
love [luhv] noun, verb, loved, lov·ing.
noun
1. a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.
2. a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.
3. sexual passion or desire.
4. a person toward whom love is felt; beloved person; sweetheart.
5. (used in direct address as a term of endearment, affection, or the like): Would you like to see a movie, love?
Those definitions are all well and good, and Caleb could easily fall under number 1 or 2, but it doesn't seem to cover it well enough.
In a popular Bible verse, we see this:
John 15:13
Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.
That's often used by folks in, or in reference to, the military who put their lives on the line for the person next to them who does not neccesarrily fall into one of the definitions above, however, I think we tend to narrow the scope of that verse a little too much.
Perhaps just by caring enough for another life and taking time away from our own wants and desires, we are "laying down our life" a little bit for our friends, kiddo's, family, strangers or whoever else?
And the reward for doing so? Well, there is no definition in the dictionary for that!
Happy Valentines Day!
P.S. - the pebbles! Since Caleb has been part of family we have had more pebbles in our house than you can possibly imagine! It's simply staggering to comprehend how they have gotten to the places in our house where we have found them. Perhaps we should've seen something while we were in Guangzhou when he was fascinated by the pebbles there, but we had nothing to base any suspicions on at the time!
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| Caleb, utterly transfixed by the pebbles at the base of a tree on Shamian Island, Guangzhou, China. |
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